Sunday, July 29, 2007

cockles of heart

i love the phrase 'warm the cockles of my heart'; i do not know WHERE the hell it comes from. why are there haams in one's... muscular valve? why is warming, ie, cooking, them, akin to a fuzzy, lovelove feeling? mystery leh.

anyway. heart cockles were sufficiently warmed over past two days. fri night went to naomin's house, which was predictably and happily uneventful. we sat on sofa and talked (about disgusting ppl who sex a lot), went to her room and talked, then went back to sofa and talked. but naomin got distracted halfway by er, ghost whisperer season 2 (yes, the one with the pear-shaped jennifer love hewitt. yes, THAT lousy, grade-z made for internet-tv tv show.) so me and nat talked loudly were happy while she sat to one corner riveted by sad woman ghost.

my sec 2 friends make me very very happy, without trying to. i love the fact we can have sleepovers with us in separate rooms, barely talking, watching grey's anatomy. the comfort ah. is insane.

anyway. naomin rocks. our senses were rudely invaded by 'umberella' mtv, and naomin was VERY angry. so she cursed rihanna vehemently: i hope she get... damn looooong scar on her leg!

ok it is funny cos that was a very lousy curse and it was said with so much aaaanger. haha. well. you had to be there.

anyway in between got photowhoring like siao. but before you judge, let me show you exactly how.. whorey we are.

There. Beautiful. Nat looks disturbingly like oompaloompa/nathan (i laugh UNTIL DIE OK OMG), i look REALLY sad, and naomin... no words la.

great teeth/i look like i have iron filings on my face/nat is sad i look like jayz.

nat looks like pontianak. is really damn scary.

dang. hantu ok, i swear. moss face and blood teeth. gorgeous.

ok then cos we are girls , must redeem with pritty pritty pictures.

(shirin photoshop until damn clever. if not my face is kuali.)

saturday was adeline's birthday thang. met shirin a little earlier but she had to leave so it was adeline christine me jerrine wei rui reuben joy at hollandv coffee club for dinner then essential brews for dessert. night picked up at essential brews, cos can sit on floor and talk until cosy cosy. and now, we have an increased knowledge of the male anatomy, and the guys an increased knowledge of the girls'. (this is not as dirty as it sounds, trust me.)

we also tested the male reaction to sanitary pads (pets).
when a pad floated into wei's personal space: 'ee! yuks take it away i don't wanna touch it!'
but then... to rui: *patpat. calmly take it into two hands and play*
and then... joy put one quietly on reuben's lap: *looks down in confusion* *comprehension* *HUGE smile*


the Brain also throbbed at turbo speed, this time between me jerrine and joy.
we were talkin bout some hot actor called oliver good-something.
joy: good... what? oliver goodman?
jerrine: good...lookin!
me: good... worker.
me, joy, jerrine: oliver good...dick!


Friday, July 27, 2007


I HAVE 80CM TO WRITE BUT I CANNOT. i am drunk, btw. have been since er, noon. cos i went to interview wine shop owner and he gimme damn good wine so i greedily and shamelessly drank two HUGE glasses then when i got up i swayed.

i am so unprofessional. my mother would flog me. hi mom. if you read this, the previous paragraph was a lie.


ok that was written yesterday and i got bored so i stopped. today is... the next day. and i still cannot write article leh. journalist's block. so loser.

wed night, went for some o' that good ol' teh tarik with long lost neighbour aka xavier, whom i haven't seen since i very unceremoniously crashed a bike in front of him two years ago.

he was talking about 'dare or don't dare' and i didn't know what the hell it was until he said 'no. 4 girl very hot' then i realised it was... 'deal or no deal'. aiyoh.

thursday was dinner at coffee club with felicia and melissa cos stoopid bitchrice felt that ntu ranked higher in her list of priorities than three lonely ex-classmates. thanks, friend.


me and felicia each wanted one dollar coin so we put extra 2dollar note when we paid up in the hopes that the waiter would return it in 2 onedollar coins... but he didn't. dammit.

shit la i cannot stop thinking about eggplant. it haunts.

felicia told us bout her pets, which are insane. the hamster mother ate all her babies, and her male lovebird is gay and henpecked. he is now called... a fearbird. this is cos felicia possesses an incredible amount of wit.

and tonight, potter session with nat and naomin! stupid sk is somewhere not near, so whatever. we're orderin pizza. whee.

bored. byebye.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


my indian/singporean/canadian intern friend was talking bout singlish at tea, so i wiki-ed it.

god. i found a LONG-ASS, scholarly, very serious, earnest article on it. it is v interesting; as an insider and long-time perpetrator of this 'local creole', i understand EXACTLY the inflections. Lemme show you.

The Sociolect Continuum of Singaporean English
1. Basilect ("Singlish")"Dis guy Singrish si behpowderful wan. Hoh seh liao lah!Damn steady wan la!"
2. Mesolect"Dis guy Singlishdamn powerful one leh."
3. Acrolect ("Standard")"This person's Singlish is very good."

Topic prominence
Singlish is topic-prominent, like Chinese and Japanese. This means that Singlish sentences often begin with a topic (or a known reference of the conversation), followed by a comment (or new information).
Dis country weather very hot one. — In this country, the weather is very warm.
Dat person there cannot trust. — That person over there is not trustworthy.

The above constructions can be translated analogously into Chinese, with little change to the word order. <- never occur to me before. i stupid. (that was gd example of er, basilectal english, btw.) Nouns are optionally marked for plurality. Articles are also optional:
He can play piano.
I like to read storybook.

Due to consonant cluster simplification, the past tense is unmarked when it is part of a complex consonant cluster:
He talk for so long, never stop, not even when I ask him. <- I TALK LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME. Reduplication Another feature strongly reminiscent of Chinese and Malay, verbs are often repeated (e.g., TV personality Phua Chu Kang's "don't pray-pray!" pray = play.) In general verbs are repeated twice to indicate the delimitative aspect (that the action goes on for a short period), and three times to indicate greater length and continuity:
You go ting ting a little bit, maybe den you will get answer. (Go and think over it for a while, and then you might understand.)
So what I do was, I sit down and I ting ting ting, until I get answer lor. (So I sat down, thought, thought and thought, until I understood.)
(midget midget. hermy hermy.)

The word one is used to emphasize the predicate of the sentence by implying that it is unique and characteristic. It is analogous to the use of particles like 嘅 ge in Cantonese, 啲 e in Hokkien, or 的 de in southern-influenced Mandarin. One used in this way does not correspond to any use of the word "one" in British, American English, Australian English, etc: It can be compared to the British usage of 'eh'.
Wah lau! So stupid one! - Oh my gosh! He's so stupid!
I do everything by habit one. - I always do everything by habit.
He never go to school one. - He doesn't go to school (unlike other people).

Can. -"It can be done."
Solidarity - Can lah. - "Rest assured, it can be done."
Seeking attention / support (implicit) - Can hor / huh? - "It can be done, right?"
Characteristic - Can one / do. - "This can be accomplished."
(Vividness) - Likdat very nice. - "This looks very nice."
Acceptance /Resignation - Can lor. - "It can be done."
Assertion (implies that listener should already know) - Can wat. - "It can be done... shouldn't you know this?"
Assertion (strong) - Can mah. - "See?! It can be done!"
Assertion (softened) - Can leh. - "Can't you see that it can be done?"
Yes / No question - Can or not? - "Can it be done?"
Yes / No question(confirmation) - Can is it? - "It can be done, right?"
Yes / No question(skepticism) - Can meh? - "Um... are you sure it can be done?"
Confirmation - Can ar (low tone). - "So... it can really be done?"
Rhetorical - Can ar (rising). - "Alright then, don't come asking for help if problems arise."
Change of state (finished) - Can already / liao. - "It's done!"
(Indifference?) - Can huh (low tone). - "It can be done..."

I love how the author was able to pinpoint EXACTLY the connotations of the inflections. so, people, we have learnt today that the delicatest nuances can be found in the crudest of approximations. (whatever. didn't mean that.)

amy winehouse is fug.

hi all. rui is my blog's number one fan. pls applaud thank you. he will attest to the interesting convo we had last night. or, just go read his blog k thx. all there in mortifying black and white.

shirin wrote on her blog about her brusque relationship with her sister and how she won't miss her when gone.

i am not proud to say i also have a brusque (non)relationship with my brother and will not miss him at all. i get pangs of sadness when i see other ppl all pally with their siblings, esp jerrine and her sisters, but i just cannot be... emotionally goaded enough to actually initiate a teary reunion with a stranger existing in close proximity. besides, he'll probably grunt like the neanderthal he is and not look me in the eye.

ok that didn't help. haha.

i'm just waiting for that miraculous, shady period of time ten or so years down the road when we will both suddenly, conveniently reconcile 29 years of indifference by sole virtue of our matured sensibilities.

my ass la. but i can wish anyway. gives me an excuse not to act now, at least.

oh! i get emo when i'm bored. interesting.

ok title of post is nonsense. i was listening to her song when i typed it. but she IS fug. songs nice only, but that is no excuse for looking like a beehive on a stick.

so... what else to say. shirin is back at rj with her... new acquisition, for lit week! i miss lit week! even though i was minimally involved, as i always am in things like these, twas fun. mr ng choon ping added muchly to the gaiety, plaited goatee and all.

methinks i shall put up some lit trip pictures here soon. it seems SO LONG ago now, but was only last yr! it was FUN SHIT. we went to freaking... york, and scotland, and stratford LEH. and the bavarian room where gavin reclined in the manner of cleopatra and mr ng demonstrated late night taichi. and a certain huimin or whatzername injected much invited drama into the trip, what with her thick clear plastic hairbands (there should be international embargo on those monstrosities) and histrionics. and fried-to-hell breakfasts. and m&s cold chicken eaten while sitting on grass. and phaedra. HAHAHAHA PHAEDRA.

oh newsroom got free mooncakes. omg. the tongue is coming out.

ok thank the lords. i just got something to do. ta.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


apparently my last post almost induced hernia in rachel so for that, i apologize.

i got my first byline yesterday! on big article summore! but as it is with many things in my life, the anticipation outshone the actual event itself. but anyway, if you are so inclined, pls dig up young investors forum in BT on 23 July 2007. thank you. appreciate.

i am sitting at desk again. my friends are going to krabi tonight so even though i cannot go and hate it i hope you guys have fun and pls don't eat mushrooms and pls swim WITH the current and don't struggle against it if you are ever in that situation which i hope not ok thank you very much.

oh everyone pls go listen to slow dancing in a burning room by john mayer. even though i disapprove completely of his choice of hairstyle and ex-arm candy (the classy and elegant jessica simpson), this is ONE GOOD SONG. can cry one. ok but if you don't like emo emo song then go away and don't listen.

reading fawn's exciting exciting recount of first few days alone in switzerland has increased thousandfold my excitement to go off myself. but i am still sad. and scared. subtly, i am pushing my parents away and speaking to them less cos that will make the moment of leaving much easier. ok this is as emo as i am ever gonna get on this blog cos i am an emotional pariah (carey. hahahahaha.) and i sincerely believe ppl are not interested in my drawn out self-analysing so... lets talk about other things.

like... dinosaurs.

on saturday i was arguing with ian about dinosaurs. he said trex always kill brontosaurus. but in Land Before Time littlefoot's mother could put up big fight against the bad trex right? she used her neck and tail sort of as clubs to pummel the bastard, no? anyway if anyone can help me clarify tell me on tagboard thanks. i must win.

Monday, July 23, 2007


HARRY POTTER ROCKS MY SOCKS, PEOPLE. HE DOES. and i am in love with snape, btw. and i cried when dobby died and fred died (WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY) and lupin and tonks died.

but... albus severus potter? overkill, methinks. just a tad.

anyway weekend very busy i lazy to write but the alternative is writing about singapore business so i shall do... this.

thurs night: lear! twas genius. and ian mckellen is god la. nuff said. i liked ol gloucester too, he kinda reminded of sean connery from waaay up in our seats. and as rachel whispered, we can 'collect' all the shakespeare plays we go to alr lor. titus, antony and cleopatra, coriolANUS (sorry ah. am v mature), julius caesar, and now, lear. we... win.

oh. during the last part of the play when lear was wheeled out to meet cordelia for the first time since he disowned her (v emotional scene), the people behind me said this:

person 1: eh. that's a wheelchair.
person2: yah hor! it's a wheelchair!

messrs obvious and obviouser, in da house, yo.

after that was supper at makansutra where christine confirmed once and for all her, to put it mildly, all-consuming terror of cats. and where conversation flowed over lardy charkwayteow and broken egg.

me: wah lau i eat so much haam alr that tmr... i will shit haam.

fawn: cheekoopak! ------- jik (one) gubak (beef)!

ok long time ago i forgot other choice quotes alr soz.

friday: bbq at jerrine's house which rachel very sexily drove too. ate, as is usual, like a fiend. then we trooped up to tv room to er, sing disney songs. LOVE. memories of the fox and the hound were dredged up and jerrine and i commiserated over our yearning for our very own beast. (yipeng sang along too, ppl. all the while i though it was just the bass tones from jerrine's speakers but... no.)

then i had to rush off to lead my homeless gb friends to my house, though not before joining them at roti prata shop. (my stomach screamed.)

later at home i spread the joy of the mysterious ticking noise, vicky pollard and the fat fighters.

sat: breakfast at serangoon with gb ppl, home to continue potter frenzy, then cg at chris' house again, then SWISS MISS LEFT! :(:(:(:(:(

as christine so succinctly put it, the whole of facebook came to see her off. i think for me ah, the facebook group 'the smallest facebook group in the world' will come la.

fawn - i will miss you pls find good friends but pls don't forget us and pls remain nonsense and keep your 'british people=ukrainian' brain ok? i will see you on skype! technology roxxors!

i arrived at airport late to be greeted by bunch if tears. while yipeng sat in a far corner reading The Book. he was joined by an entire indian family with children running around his feet. a tender image from far, but here was his take on it: i wanted to kick them la.

then when one of the indian children fell down: wah. i don't even need to use my leg.

ah, paternal instincts.

and me and christine accidentally-but-secretly-on-purpose wore the same top.
at first - me: ee christine why you wear same!
christine: yuks don't stand near me when taking photo ah. so embarrassing.

christine: sam i got secret to tell you
me: izzit you wear this shirt knowing that i will wear too but wanting to test out your theory.
christine: YES!
me: ME ALSO!
us: -general incoherence-

incontrivertible evidence of the jelly mother brain.

then we had to leave fawn and her humongous entourage. and that was the end of that and I WILL SEE YOU NEXT YR AT EURO FAWN OK OK CONFIRM CHOP GUARANTEE.

sunday: church and met family friend elizabeth for freaking $30 brunch at bakerzin. but twas good. she told me of how nice law ppl at her internship firm brought her out for lunch everyday and paid for her and forced food down her throat.


apparently, i am still angry. i'm very aaaangry.

then at night was dinner at pines for mom's birthday at jap restaurant cos got 50% off voucher. (here's something interesting. guess where jerrine celebrated her mother's birthday approx one month ago, cos got 50% voucher. GUESS.)

so now i am 10kg heavier in the span of 2 days.

ok now it is lunchtime and i have wasted 1 hour at work typing this load of crap. yippee. byebye!

Thursday, July 19, 2007


today, i almost told the associate dean of FASS that FASS is a dumping ground.
today, a minister of state said i looked 'very well-groomed'.

the world works in mysterious ways.

anyway was at stupid SDU for press con just now. they have a 'lovebytes' cafe where singles can... mingle. (i just vomited a little in my mouth.) it is painted in block colors to facilitate the generation of... good feelings. i was reminded of my kindergarten playroom. it is scary that cash-laden PMEBs are relegated to an out of the way, dusty, mildew-infested playroom to 'make life-long friends' and 'potential life partners'.

and now, the government has found a way to make ALL the dating agencies in singapore belong to the SDU (some accreditation thingy, boring stuff). so, whichever dating agency you decide to frequent, YOU WILL BE MEETING THE SAME PEOPLE WHOM THE GOVERNMENT THINKS ARE RIGHT FOR YOU.

wah lau. i think i shall go to burma to find a mate la.

anyway, great news. i can get harry potter on FRIDAY. FRIDAY, PEOPLE! NOT SATURDAY! this is due to some great corruption on a certain newspaper publisher's part.

and and, lear tonight. whee.

my story in the paper today is devoid of a byline COS I FORGOT TO SEND IN MY NAME. <- my life, as written by the gods.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

i like yale people

last night's interview was fun stuff. went to pretentious yale alumni's house (she says 'sehdurday' (saturday) and 'rodee prada' (roti prata)) where 11 yale students converged. and she is so angmoh that we must wear shoes indoors and have wine and cheese and crackers LEH. wah lau. but fun la.

interview was boring, cos i had to ask boring questions. but, when twas all over, they were naaaahce.

andrew (little gay boy who wears harry potter glasses): wesleyan people are very fashionable
me: really.
andrew: yeah! the last time i went, they were wearing bell-bottoms
andrew: i mean the trend du jour (CONSPERM GAY) is skinny jeans, but they were all like 'skinny jeans is SO 2005... we're totally 2912' *robot dance*

and he told me bout parties in wesleyan with weird themes like 'iceland' where ppl dressed up with harpoons and snowshoes and the decorative snow was, in fact, cocaine.

(christine, on hearing the above story: sam, i think wesleyan will change your life.)

and how they were going to MOS tonight to study how an exorbitant liquor tax affects the nightlife of the locals (i think, i THINK he was lying la)

i am sorry this is so boring, but i am boring cos i am bored. i am also bored when i am boring. so i will remain bored and boring forever.

today i gehkiang and bring phone and usb cable so i can charge it at work. i was nyehehing to myself and congratulating myself on my GREAT IDEA. BUT THEN, as is wont to happen, the freaking computer SAP ALL THE FREAKING BATTERY from my phone! where got such thing?! throughout the day the battery got lower and lower but i (stupidly) thought, cannot be la. then suddenly my phone made teeoteeo sound and it... died. and now i am an unconnected denizen of the digital world. sucks.

so jerrine, that's why i never call you and shirin, that's why i stopped messaging you bout bryan 'rocker' john jacobs.

on behalf of the evil bastard computer spirits, i apologize.

a funny thing happened yesterday. i was chatting to joy on the sph network then i pressed a wrong button so everything i typed suddenly came out in chinese. so when joy talked to me i was damn stressed and could only say 我不知道 and 再见. haha. the... loserness la. is monumental.

joy: sam where are you?
me: (frantically) 我不知道!
joy: hahaha this is hilarious
me: 再见再见


Monday, July 16, 2007

what i did at work today

Samantha Lee ... i love the centuars also. they sexy
Samantha Lee ... as is lucius
Samantha Lee ... oooooooOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOooo
Joy Goh-Mah/S... woo yeah centaurs!
Joy Goh-Mah/S... writhing on the ground with ropes WOOOOOOOOO
Samantha Lee ... AND THE DEEP VOICES
Samantha Lee ... AND THE ARROWS
Samantha Lee ... WOOOOO
Samantha Lee ... and so proud
Samantha Lee ... wah seh if i centuara i will kneel at their feet lor.
Samantha Lee ... a;sdoifja fksdfkj.
Joy Goh-Mah/S... if i hermione i also rush forward to throw myself on his hard, moving body
Joy Goh-Mah/S... did you notice how she dashed over in lust?
Samantha Lee ... oh yes, yes. with their shiny chests. gooh.
Samantha Lee ... hahahaha where GOT
Samantha Lee ... you impose your own fantasy izzit
Samantha Lee ... esp when they glisten
Samantha Lee ... meep.
Joy Goh-Mah/S... she did what she ran over o hm and laid her little hand on his strong, pulsing muscles
Samantha Lee ... oh oh.
Samantha Lee ... porn in sph/
Samantha Lee ... thanks, joy.
Samantha Lee ... really.
Samantha Lee ... hahahaha but yes the strong pulsing muscles throbbed in response to her delicate touch
Samantha Lee ... i... must print out this convo la. must.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

gay men and church camp

the thing about having a small group of friends with whom i spend most of my going-out time is that our blogs tend to recount the same incidents but in distinct voices and with varying standards of english. v entertaining, like reading gp essays, but written by fahbulous students.

now it is time to begin laboriously recounting the last 2 nights. fri night i left work to rush off to church camp in sembawang (like, where?) just to reach in time for... supper. (oh, before i left, i got windfall. i found $150 in sea sports funds in my drawer NYEHEHEHEHEHE shiok. so i celebrated by taking a cab.)

so anyway, sat in canteen and talked to edwin calvin chris joanne and guess what. i am now known as the 'scary girl from rgs', the 'she-male' and - oh it just gets better - 'ah bang' (big brother). i.... cannot win la.

being the COOL CAMP it was, everyone wanted to sleep early but not before we christened Chris' single ab Wilson. so i called jerrine. calvin asked me if i was talking to my boyfriend and i had to pause before i said no. (sorry ah jerrine. this doesn't mean anything) such is the lack of boyaction in my life.

speaking of boyaction, next night was asian boys vol. 3 with the fiends! twas GOOD STUFF. funny and sweet and i don't wanna spoil it with my words la. just go watch. as shirin has already covered on her blog, i love the final sweeeeeeet scene with chris and guangming (harhar) holding hands. squeal.

the blatant usage of rj uniform tweaked to perfect unbookable standards and the school anthem was a tad unnerving. is it even allowed? had surreal sense of being back in school canteen, with half-empty, tehping cups littering the green tables, the squeaking of sneakers on the floor, and broad boy shoulders bent over dabianmian. (shit noodles, so named cos the uncle who cooks it doesn't wash his hands after well, dabian-ing. the wit of jc students. gotta love it.)

as straight young girls, we were the sad minority in the audience. we gazed around us in wonder and helplessness as a plethora of the finest male specimens in Singapore milled about in their tight-shirted, small-hipped splendor. to think, we mean less to them than... pee-sai la. :(

anyway, after that we went to hongkong cafe sans rachel who went to watch potty. had freaking RIOT, with the 'manymany breads' and 'oh if you like bread, have some crepe' and incongruous snape gestures and very very long songs about sausages and very very wrong song lyrics (sung to the tune of ABBA's Money Money Money: Bunny bunny bunny, mr funny...) and late night bra flashing. (jerrine will explain on her blog).

such a great night that i didn't wanna go back to swampland so i went home. so here i am, ponning Experiences 07 cos i am oily and lazy.

oh. the gods are laughing at me la. i try SO HARD to get into columbia then yesterday my father thrust a blue envelope at me. inside, it said: Dear Mr Lee, As an accomplished leader in your field, we invite you to attend Columbia Business School. my father... win me.

i laugh la. i laugh.

Friday, July 13, 2007


scary things can happen to a journalist. for example, embroiling myself (is it weird that those two words make me hungry) in l* h*ngy*'s complain saga. only in singapore will a complaint become underground headline news.

i was to be rewarded with a byline on the damning article for being an... informer. HAH LUCKY I SAY NO MAN. if not, my name as of today would have to be Lee Seng Hoe. Then i will have perfect name to set up arowana shop. woo.

ok my boring life so far:
wed - lunch with wesleyan frosh, work until damn late. (meaning, 8pm)
thurs - ootp with fiends

as usual, time passed v fast even though we were in the heartland of heartlands doing the most heartlandy thing a heartlander can do - seated at a foodcourt in amk hub eating meekia ('mee children', in english)

ootp was ok. as with all harry potter films, it recedes out of memory once i leave the theatre. the books, on the other hand... NEXT FREAKING SATURDAY.

oh but i CRUSH LUCIUS MALFOY. i think i have a thing for nasty men with long white hair, a cape, and a walking stick with snake skull embellishments. ZO SEXY LOR. and the british accent. ooooOOOoooOoOOOoooOOoh.

again, conversation was funny.

jerrine: i went to volunteer at this old folks' home, and there was this 28-yr-old guy there...
me: hah?! he is an old folk ah?!
jerrine: *scream with laughter* the youngest old folk in the world.

i love old folk. singular. 'eh, old folk! get out of my soup la!'
sounds so much nicer than 'eh, old man! get out of my soup la!'

after ootp, we speculated about harry potter book #8. if jk rowling wants to make money, she should just sign endorsement deals with everyone in the world and put it in the book.

sample: Harry walked into Snape's dungeon. He held a LOVELY COLD CAN OF COKE to his parched lips and drank the REFRESHING JUICE OF LIFE. Snape scowled at him. 'why are you drinking this DELICIOUS CAN OF COKE, boy? i hate you! i will beat you with this STATE OF THE ART TEFLON FRYING PAN FROM TARGET!' harry fell to the floor in fear. 'please don't beat me! if not i will have to go to ARANA SPA, BLK 657 SIMLIM SQUARE to recuperate! and THE BANK WITH THE LOWEST INTEREST RATE, that is, CITIBANK will revoke my PLATINUM GENTLEMAN'S CREDIT CARD!' snape sneered down at the cowering boy, dressed head to toe in NIKE B.I.R.D APPAREL. 'eat my toe,' he whispered. harry looked up, and...

i could go on forever. my point was, it is a good idea and jk should do it. and i should help her.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

2 posts in one day zomg

nyeheh my blog is pop you lah.

just came home from dinner with long lost friend jasmine. indulged in belgian chocolate coffee, egotistical banter and scary movie 1-4 reenactments.

(for those privileged few who have watched scary movie 1, please never forget Miss Man and her long balls. thanks.)

jasmine: eh, why don't guys like me ah. the thing is, i am very interesting and funny lor. how can they not like.
me: OMG ME ALSO I ALSO DAMN GOOD LA. win all polite and stupid girls in the world k.

also, siokkhoon on hearing (erroneously) that i was to reside in an all girls' dorm: i have two words for you: furry cup.

HAHAHAHA. i cannot tell you how much i love that statement. win carpet munching and velvet goldmine 10million times man.

in other news, i finally have interesting assignment! interview yale students who go cambodia on cip trip. must assign photographer also. i am SO gonna make them put on ugly make up heheheheheheh.

omg. i am certifiably bored out of my mind.

short rant before lunch

wah lau. i hate grumpy journalists. in newsroom there are like stacks of newspapers all over the place and everyday a new edition is placed on top of the stack. the woman on my first day say i can read the newspapers. so this morning i took today's paper from the stack nearest to me, and this STUPID FAT MAN turn around and say in damn loud voice that whole newsroom can hear 'why did you take MY paper without asking? that's very rude you know.' then he freaking DIAO me ok wah lau go and die lar. everyone around me ignore me summore so i put back the paper and go back meekly to my seat like the lowly intern i am.

what i should have said: honest mistake la stupid lanjiao.
what i said: sorry sorry! i didn't know.

ok gourmet canteen food beckons. bye.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

blogging homebody fiend

i am starting to become blog freak. i have nothing to fill the void that is my life, see.

snippets from last night.

at cell, after talking bout god-knows-what. actually, just after talking bout god la.
edwin: eh megan fox is a porn star leh. no wonder so hot.
me: ya but soft porn only, not hardcore one
weijie: whatever. porn still porn.
me: no! hardcore porn is like... feast. soft porn is more like...
edwin: (pause) snacks.
all: *filthy laughter*

at BBQ
rachel: it is the tragedy of the elite to consort with the unwashed barbaric masses
(in usual heinously elitist rachel fashion. but this is why i love rachel)

yipeng: eh starscream's name damn cool right
all: ya!
yipeng: in the movie subtitles, it is xingxingjiao

other niche topics covered:
1. jigong's magic gaoquek (dirty skin you can scratch off, especially from the body's nooks and crannies)
2. how only hokkien nang can have gaoquek
3. constipation. oh, the constipation
4. very unrhythmic tapping using fork and tomato ketchup bottle
5. rihanna's heinous vocals
6. china ppl who anyhow add on facebook
7. dancing to ciara's 'like a boy' and grabbing imaginary apparatus
8. 'eh guys! got this damn cool website you must go. it is where they teach you damn cool tricks using pens! pen!'

ok i don't see how anyone sane can understand what i am talking bout. but je ne care pas la.
i aime friends.

hiyoh. people see the amazing walking wind-up sushi toy in toys r us then they think of me LEH. why. first shirin's delightfully hideous egg-sushi earrings, then this.
other things that remind ppl of me: huge round pink pig, black gay erotica, dr burke, christina, (?!?!?!?! why both of them?!?!) ronald macdonald, and i should stop here before i blow my brains out in despair.

this is what i will remember my friends by when i leave lil ol singapore.

christine: d'oh! (smacks head)
fawn: i am the queen of everywhere.
jerrine: i messaged everyone in my contact list. first was christine... then.... (indefinite pause)
: fly safe, papi.
rachel: 'dhagger sthare' 'i don't wanna be a... murderer (said in most annoying womanly voice in the world)'
joy: sam you look like a suckling pig
nat: (takesphotostakesphotostakesphotos)
naomin: wah lau i crush james potter la!
sk: sam. shut up.

first farewell

it's late and Live Earth is on and i don't feel like sleeping. (btw, Live Earth is just SO COOL.)
so, today i woke up obscenely late, ran a little cos one week of teas and prone-ness makes me feel like a rolling lump of dough, ate 'cooked food' (that's what they call economical rice. original, these hawker people), then took a nap cos running and eating make me sleepy. omg i'm so bored typing this man. then went to cell at chris' house which is obscenely big and has AUTOTAPS HOW COOL IT THAT then took an obscenely expensive cab ride to fawn's house in which she does not yet reside for BBQ in the dark with occasional flashes of camera light to confuse me and jerrine into thinking that the lights are coming back on.

and cos i ate in the dark i think i ate a raw chicken wing and now my stomach hurts. SHIT MAN BIRD FLU SHIT.

it's scary how much more i respect people with a sense of humour than people with a sense of responsibility. oh, and i also respect people who appreciate good food. and by 'appreciate' i mean 'being able to inhale food'. this is indicative of an ability to enjoy the unnecessary pleasures of life which, in my opinion, are the only things worth enjoying anyway.

if my father ever read this he would make me study TCM in singapore alr. consperm.

ok tmr night i gots the dinner with my father's primary 2 friends. (no, he is not best buds with 8-yr-olds. he has known them since he was a guppy-catching, siewmai-eating, chinese-failing, overweight kid.)
heh all of them are fat now. all look like siew mai. which is a bloody freaky coincidence.

god i need social life la. i am excited at meeting 3 overweight, very married, ancient men who can't even pronounce 'eminem'.

Friday, July 6, 2007

i am running out of words that can convey boredom.

hello again, cybergremlins. i am supposed to be researching on some investor guru who is old and wrinkled but i am here. applaud my work ethic, gremlins! applaud! summore this is kind of a big piece. 800 words, dude. sweet. ok i bet this enthusiasm for 800 words will not last very very long.

in other news, dinner last night at Botan, a japanese restaurant with the motley crew of (s)Melissa (harhar. sorry, melissa.), felicia and beatrice. i ate the MOST FREAKING NICEST BOWL OF RICE TOPPED WITH TEN ZILLION RAW FISHES AND ROE. eh but the big fish roe, you know the orange eggs which burst into liquid in your mouth, look kinda like breasts, cos of the darker smidge of unborn fish inside. kinda like yolk, but ten zillion times grosser. so anyway, i arranged them into a damn long row and they looked funny. so many breasts leh.

ok. my brain is a flea. not even a flea's brain lor. it is a flea.

anyway. conversation abounded on, how shall i put it... very niche topics. Here is a sampler. Free of charge.
1. 14-yr-old mother
2. fat american spandax clad cosplayers who are so fat that they have crotch sweat stains
3. chua
4. obasan porn (grandmother porn. (yes.)
5. 'mrs chua! crayford is floating! what shall i do?'
6. 'heehee. let's shit in the green tea cup and put a towel over it so we can surprise the waitress'
7. on the green tea leaves at the bottom of the cup: auntie! your green tea hen anzhang leh
8. hardgay and his lovely leather panties.

oh. you must hear this.
me: eh who's the jap guy who always go around gyrating and always wear shiny black boots and leather panties ah?
melissa: (calmly) oh izzit rain?

ok actually you had to be there. but it was funny lor. it was. rain should er, vomit la.

after that we went home. me and beatrice reminisced upon the RJ days of yore.
where we were practically tortured.
two hour chem lessons in stuffy hot classroom and cannot sleep cos of stupid chua so the eyes will roll in different directions. then must smell dead bodies. and 2 hour chem pracs where TWENTY-FIVE bunsen burners will be up full blast, then chua will calmly turn off ALL the fans and CLOSE all the windows. siao k. siao.

hmm. BT has giant banner hanging over the newsroom. it proclaims proudly: The Business Times. We're serious, but fun!

God. that has to be one of the most depressingly loser things i have heard in my life. (hello BT people. if any of you are reading this, i didn't mean that previous sentence. i was just trying to act cool so my friends will like me. thanks and don't fire me)

speaking of depressing, i cannot go krabi. my friends will go krabi. they will have a great time. i will not. :( also, i am going to live in a nunnery in school. i THINK god is telling me... to be a lesbian. i mean, why else would he put me in an all girl house eh. why.

(i hope my readers can detect the sarcasm above. it is sarcastic because a) god doesn't like lesbians. b) god is putting me in an all girl house so i cannot have neigeneige. c) i was deliberately being stupid, for comic effect. d) that last question was rhetorical)

( i am doing this cos apparently many people in singapore cannot understand the concept of sarcasm. or english, for that matter. i was speaking to this guy and mentioned two gay boys. and he asked me: 'huh? gay as in...' AS IN AS IN. AS IN GAY PONDAN BAPOK LA HIYOH. then i SARCASTICALLY replied 'gay as in happy and merry' and he said 'really meh. i think you mean homosexual la' SDLJKGHAOUGUGJHAFGJFGUOJHJKLDFGIO then when he finally got it he said 'eee. so disgusting. against nature' WTTTTF.)

(oh i just realised WTTTTF means what the the the the the fuck. which is quite loser.)
oh! time to go home. bye!